


The Cooking Thing

by Lukutoukka



Series: Shorts [4]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic), Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Bad Cooking, Cooking, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 21:24:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16104083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lukutoukka/pseuds/Lukutoukka
Summary: It's a promotional thing. They're supposed to cook. It doesn't go well.





	The Cooking Thing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm procrastinating and using every chance of writing something other than the pieces I have a deadline for... Anyway, this is what happens when people link me the ["Best Dish You Can Cook" Puck Personality video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eowaHzGVTgk) and we get talking about it.
> 
> Y'all know who you are, enablers.

Unsurprisingly, the whole thing is a disaster. No one should have been caught off guard by this, and yet some of the staff of the show are running around as if they didn't see this exact thing coming from the start.

***

It's supposed to be an entertaining thing for the fans, so they invited some well-known names. Many of them actually accepted the invitation too. Dex isn't sure he has actually met all the other players, but he's already awkwardly exchanged pleasantries with Derek Nurse from the Kings, greated Jack Zimmermann with a (mutual) nod - neither of them are men of many words - and said hi to Eric Bittle (both Falconers), before Bittle was whisked away from some staffer with a question about pie crust. On the other side of the room, Chris Chow (Sharks) and Tuukka Rask (Bruins) are discussing something - probably very important goalie business. He's fairly certain that both of them would include him in conversation, but truth be told, he's a little scared of both of them. He's faced Chow often enough to know that he's much more approachable off the ice than he seems on the ice, but still. He leaves them to their goalie thing.

As he turns away from watching the two goalies, he catches sight of Zimmermann again, who is now talking to Parson (Aces’ captain) and Mashkov (also Falconers - there's a lot of them here), looking much more comfortable than earlier. A few steps away from the small group is Connor McDavid from the Oilers, and he looks even more uncomfortable than Zimmermann did earlier, which Dex hadn't thought possible. Then again, Zimmermann does have a couple of years in the NHL on McDavid, and having the experience is probably rather helpful during events like these.

“Deeeeeeeexyyyy,” someone says behind him, lengthening the vowels obnoxiously. Dex turns around, and of course, he should have known.

“Seggs,” he greets. “What a pleasure to see you.” He sounds only the slightest bit ironically, and he's kinda serious anyway. He knows Seggs better than the other people here, and he's easy to get along with.

They don't have much time to talk anyway, since Seggs seemed to be the one they'd been waiting for. Staff shows them to their cooking stations, checking in with them if they have all the ingredients they need. In deference to the fact that they’re hockey players and not, well, chefs, they're allowed recipes. In fact, they'd been told what they should expect and what was expected from them right from the beginning.

What was expected of them was to cook a dish they liked to eat. They were very free in their interpretation of that guideline, which Dex appreciated. He planned to make pasta with vegetables - one of his regular pre game dishes. It is nothing fancy, but he'd be making the pasta from scratch. Besides, they have a time limit that prevents anything too time intensive.

He's starting with the pasta dough since that needs to chill for a bit before he can form and cook it, but it doesn't take too long to mix and knead, and once he's got it in the fridge, he takes some time to look around, to see how the others are faring.

On his left side is Seggs who looks vaguely confused about the gas stove they're working with, but looks otherwise relaxed.

On Seggs other side is Derek Nurse, whose station is already looking as if something exploded. There's flour in his hair.

Chow and Rask have the last cooking stations in their row, farthest from Dex. Both of them are smiling and looking relaxed and it seems like they're still talking with each other. Chow is gesticulating as if he didn't have a huge knife in his hand, and Dex is glad he's nowhere near that. It looks like an accident waiting to happen, especially considering that that's the side Nurse is on.

Across from the goalies are Parson and Mashkov, who are by all appearances working on something together. Mashkov seems to be the one giving the instructions. Dex would mind more if Parson wasn't still obviously struggling with whatever vegetable he is currently - there is no other word for it - stabbing. As it is, it's rather endearing.

Next to them is Jack Zimmermann who's working on his dish with the same intensity he's playing hockey. There's a streak of red on his forehead already.

Bittle, next to Zimmermann, looks relaxed and in his element, looking up as if he feels Dex’s eyes on him. He winks and Dex grins.

Next to Bittle, opposite of Dex, is Connor McDavid. He seems determined, but he's also sporting a blank, panicky look already and Dex feels something looming.

Probably disaster.

(It's the host, who'd sneaked up behind him.)

***

It's - bad. Not only Dex’s pasta - it isn't holding shape and Dex thinks that it's probably undercooked - but everyone's dishes.

Well. The goalies’ dishes look okay from where Dex is standing, but both of them look, uh, murderous. Everyone's avoiding looking directly at them.

Nurse’s pizza manages to look both like coal and soggy, and the vegetables Seggs made with his grilled cheese aren't even identifiable anymore.

Dex supposes Mashkov and Parson did not attempt to create something that looks like rather convincing fake blood, but that is what they ended up with. Mashkov looks rather sad about it.

Zimmermann’s shepherds pie filling looks incredibly watery, while Bittle’s pie looks burned in irregular places. Bittle looks just as murderous as the goalies.

McDavid’s dish… Dex can't even venture a guess at what it's supposed to be. He is, however, fairly certain that it is responsible for the smell of sulphur that is wafting through the studio.

Everybody's quiet.

Seggs kitchen towel catches on fire. 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos/a comment and/or come visit me on [tumblr!](https://vanillivilovesreus.tumblr.com)


End file.
